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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753624">Robbie Rackleff's "The Simpsons"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonManon/pseuds/AnonManon'>AnonManon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Simpsons, Wham City Comedy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Violence, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dark, Explosions, Gen, Grimdark, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Post-Apocalypse, Religious Imagery &amp; Symbolism, Screenplay/Script Format</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:14:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonManon/pseuds/AnonManon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything has its time. Everything dies.</p>
<p>Transcribed from this: https://youtu.be/5gIW8gbeAjw</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Robbie Rackleff's "The Simpsons"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>EXT. SPRINGFIELD</p>
<p>The show opens on a RESIDENTIAL SPRINGFIELD ROAD that has been HEAVILY FLOODED. It is a grim day with dark clouds.</p>
<p>TWO FIGURES dart in front of the camera. We only see their legs. We hear their feet splash in the murky puddles. One of the houses on the small street has a small fire burning inside of it. The scene outside is quiet. It is so quiet that we can hear the flames crackle.</p>
<p>SUDDENLY, A CAR DRIVES INTO FRAME and onto the front lawn of the house.</p>
<p>The driver, an UNNAMED SIMPSONS REGULAR, jumps out of the car and runs inside. We hear a commotion of objects being tossed around. A few things break. We hear the driver shout from inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>DRIVER</p>
<p>Are you in here?! Are you in here?! Shout if you can hear me! Shout so I can find you!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sounds of large objects being pushed aside. Falling books and frantic feet on steps commence. The fire reaches the drapes and then climbs them quickly.</p>
<p>A LONE SPECTATOR wanders onto the scene. We only see him from behind. He is wearing a LARGE, PUFFY JACKET and a HAT that OBSCURES HIS FACE. He walks into the floodwater until he is standing ankle-deep.</p>
<p>He pauses and then proceeds to urinate in it.</p>
<p>CUT TO -- THE TOWN HALL. INT. TOWN HALL</p>
<p>Pallets of bottled water line an entire wall. The room feels murky and damp. The audience is crammed. A quick pan over it reveals most of the familiar characters of the Simpsons universe, from BART and HOMER to the MAN WHO IS DRESSED LIKE A BEE. Everyone seems older and tired. A few people are dressed identically.</p>
<p>On the stage, in front of dark red curtains, a collection of public officials – THE POLITICIANS – murmur to each other under their breath. The stage is covered in sandbags. A line of bullet holes are evident on the raised wooden platform. Several of the sandbags have been shot open, and the sand is piled high in neat drifts on the floor. People are sliding into their seats, jostling and glaring at one another but remaining mostly silent. There are flies buzzing overhead.</p>
<p>A door somewhere behind the stage curtain SLAMS. The crowd becomes still. We hear loud steps approaching from somewhere backstage. The murmuring officials move to one side as CHIEF WIGGUM steps up to the podium, carrying a small stack of paper. He is wearing HEAVY RUBBER BOOTS and his uniform has some DRIED BLOOD on it. He clears his throat, shifts the papers he has in front of him, then glances out to the audience.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM</p>
<p>The statistics for today…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hesitates, clears his throat again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM</p>
<p>The statistics for today, uh, show an increase… There is a… There is a marked increase in the number of assaults and fires. In the number of burglaries. There have been a number of… bodies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>CHIEF WIGGUM stops, looks up and around and makes his decision.</p>
<p>He takes the papers in front of him and walks away from the podium. He walks to the steps leading to the stage and then walks out to a nearby garbage can. He says…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM</p>
<p>I don’t need this anymore, do I?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tosses the papers into the garbage can with a THUCK.</p>
<p>He walks back to the podium. The crowd begins to whisper and shift in unison. A man gets up to leave.</p>
<p>The Chief PULLS HIS GUN and POINTS IT AT HIM.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM</p>
<p><em>SIT DOWN</em>, damn your eyes! I <em>WILL</em> be heard!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM (cont.)</p>
<p>I don’t need to read off a bunch of numbers at you! All of you know what’s in those pages! Robbery. Assault. Murder! We’ve been coming here for weeks, and I’ve been reading off these reports – these lists – and for what?! Answers?! Or validation?! It’s pornography! I am the Chief of Police! I…! Am the Chief of Police and I am supposed to protect you, but what we have here is a <em>sickness</em>! A sickness that can not be cured by a man! A sickness that has rotted us down to the stumps! What are we? Bog people?!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM (Cont.)</p>
<p>A city – a whole city! – turned into criminals, and I don’t give a damn what caused it, who shoved whom! I can only deal with the facts in front of me and the level of deterioration all around me. And what— what is in front of me but SIN?! <em>SIN! <strong>SIN!</strong></em> <em>I see <strong>you</strong>! I see <strong>you</strong>! I see <strong>you</strong>! I see <strong>all</strong> of you!</em> I am the watchdog! I am the eyes of Justice! And for what it’s worth to you – to all of you – I am Christ risen and ready for judgment, and <strong><em>I see you!</em></strong> Committing crime after crime! Losing that hard-earned humanity that makes us more than animals! But you’re all criminals! You know this! You’re all guilty! You’re all guilty, all of us here tonight!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM (Cont.)</p>
<p>You criminals! You spit in my face every day! You smile at me and you say, “Good morning, Chief Wiggum!” “How are you today, Chief Wiggum?” “Thank you, Chief Wiggum!” <em>“I’m sorry for your loss, Chief Wiggum!” <strong>Liars,</strong> spitting in my face!</em> Hands have shook my hand in the morning and then gone off to pick up axes and crowbars and sharpen screwdrivers once the night comes and the power goes out! I have worked so <em>hard!</em> So hard to see humanity return, to see peace restored! I have worked so hard to keep <em>everything</em> from falling apart! I have given up literally everything except my eyes, my hands… <em>and my gun!</em> My gun that was silent for twenty years, entrusted to me, the peacemaker! This gun has fired bullets into the bodies of criminals every single night since this began!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM (Cont.)</p>
<p>I have killed Apu the Shopkeeper when he came at me – <em>he</em> was a criminal! I killed Lisa Simpson when she tried to cut the power line to the hospital – <em>she</em> was a criminal! I killed Otto, the bus driver! He was insane with bloodlust! <em>He was a criminal!</em> <em>Criminals! Crime!</em> A crime has been committed by a congregation of thieves and killers! You’ve robbed yourselves of your own salvation, and now it is time for the court and the Choir of the Almighty to decide what to do! Since you have given up God in pursuit of sin, since Springfield is now a <em>Gomorrah</em> of<em> thrill-kill, pleasure-seeking <strong>freaks--!</strong></em> I have decided to give up the badge and gun and take on the mantle of Avenging Angel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WIGGUM (Cont.)</p>
<p>What few loyal officers I have barred all the doors and exits and are currently lining the outside walls with gasoline and plastic explosives. This monument, this house, this temple to the corruptibility of the human spirit is now the tomb which we will all share. In a few minutes, the fire and the smoke and the bursting of bombs will remove the <em>cancer</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Smoke begins to fill the hall. People start coughing, but rather than trying to leave the place, they all lie down on the floor. The walls are heating up quickly. The room becomes red and orange. A window breaks with the heat. Glass showers down on the still and silent crowd. A slumber party for the damned. The wall of bottled water begins to boil and hiss. They BURST OPEN and POP. Chief Wiggum walks away from the podium and laughs.</p>
<p>WIGGUM</p>
<p>This nightmare ends. We <em>end</em>. <em>Springfield ends!</em> I will have <em>justice</em>! I will have… <strong>pain</strong>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>EXPLOSIONS tear the building in half. From outside, a safe distance away behind a pile of sandbags, four police officers stand with their families. Their wives and children. Their husbands. The building collapses completely and black smoke rises from a great plume into a clearing sky.</p>
<p>A SMALL BOY runs and grabs his mother’s hand – she is a police officer with one eye covered in gauze and tape. The little boy asks:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>THE BOY</p>
<p>Were… were all of them bad?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The officer answers succinctly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>OFFICER</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>THE END.</p>
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